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Spasms & Spamocidal Mania
by: Linda Cox Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations: S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous) N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam) P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam) P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice) S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam) P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears) And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services. DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS, I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email: Spam! I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization: The Spammish Inquisition! And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix! WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS? You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is! I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much! If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that? Don't think so. I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven. But spam... hooboy! SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS! I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed. As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits. Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again. It's for their own good. IN CLOSING... Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam. Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society. If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service. Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe) P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em. About The Author
Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/ |
directv
The Internet is fast becoming the dominant medium for business and communication, but it still resembles something of a frontier, because there is little regulation. If you are looking for free directv then you are doing so in an unregulated marketplace. Most efforts have relied on the Internet industry to police itself. Although there has been some notable success with self-policing, continued abuses have increased calls for government intervention. That's where our role in pre-checking free directv sites comes in. Our free directv provider is solid and reliable.
Some aspects of the Internet could undoubtedly use some regulation, but this task is not as simple as it may seem. The very nature of the Internet makes it difficult, if not impossible to regulate. However in the midst of this many free directv retailers survive and prosper. At the same time, the absence of regulations means that everyone who uses this essentially public network can be a target for anyone who has the technical know-how and the will to invade their privacy. Privacy was foremost in our minds when sourcing the right free directv retailer for you. Their link appears above.
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